Finding Your Calm During Family Gatherings
Navigating Family Storms Without Losing Yourself
Do you feel a wave of dread at the thought of your next family gathering? Maybe a tightness in your chest or a sinking feeling in your stomach? If so, you’re not alone.
Family can be a source of strength and identity, but not all interactions feel enriching. Some leave you feeling depleted rather than supported. You may find that when you’re thriving, certain family members are quick to remind you of past missteps. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers tools to navigate difficult family dynamics with intention and confidence. One key DBT skill, interpersonal effectiveness, helps balance your needs while maintaining relationships. Here are two crucial questions to ask yourself before your next gathering:
1. What Do You Want to Prioritize?
Are you seeking a peaceful visit, or do you want to address a specific concern? Clarifying your priority helps you engage with intention rather than reacting impulsively.
2. What Is Your Specific Objective?
A vague hope that things will “go better” isn’t a strategy. Set a clear goal—whether it’s maintaining boundaries, avoiding conflict, or addressing a concern. For example, if your goal is to stay out of political debates, prepare a neutral phrase like, “I’d rather focus on catching up.” This way, you stay in control of your interactions.
